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I grew up a “girly girl” in rural Oregon. This was not considered cool at all. I was told to be tough, stop feeling so much and that the key to my happiness, ultimately, was to be so independent I didn’t need a man. I remember, as a teenager and in my early 20s, even hearing that I needed to “find a man who loved me more than I loved him.”
As a deeply feminine woman, these were almost impossible pills to swallow. I felt things, deeply. I loved luxury and didn’t want to get dirty and toughen up. I valued being independent, but hated the thought that my options were to either let my relationship define me (from my grandmother’s generation) or be so tough I only attracted a man who followed me around like a lost puppy (the wounded feminine from my mother’s generation).
Through following my connection to my soul and higher consciousness, I was guided to this knowing and this deep appreciation within me. (I love that a man speaks so clearly what has been in my heart since I was born into this life):
While it is obviously healthy for every man and woman to learn to become whole and independent, it is self-destructive for a woman to try to lessen the import of relationship in her life. If she has a feminine sexual essence, the desire for the flow of love is at her core, no matter how dedicated she is to her career or other activities. Without a deep and loving intimacy – with a partner or with the divine – she hurts. It will never work for her to try to quell the pain by absorbing herself in her career, her art or her friends. If she has a feminine essence, she must honor herself by owning her deep desire for the flow of love in her heart… Our culture has become so anti-feminine that many women are trying to deny their feminine core desires and adopt the masculine way of dedication to mission. By denying their feminine essence, such women are predisposing themselves to emptiness of heart, depression and bodily symptoms of disease. — David Deida, The Way of the Superior Man
Being the tough, independent woman (love you, Beyoncé, but that song is now in the old paradigm canon) doesn’t actually work. Read more about my experience in my most recent HuffPost piece here. It makes us sick and tired and it forces us to deny our core truth — we love to love. We love to love our family, our pets, our plants, Mother Earth, our friends, our homes, our bodies and our intimate partner.
In fact, if we have a core feminine essence and we aren’t doing this, we aren’t experiencing the fullness of our being, in this body, at this time.
We are currently in a mid-paradigm shift, evolving from our grandmother’s dependence on their men to survive and away from the 50-50 or overly independent, feminine girl power which yielded a lot of disease, disharmony and not much sex for anyone and into an empowered feminine/empowered masculine paradigm that allows each individual — regardless of gender — to embrace their primary sexual essence (masculine or feminine) and lead from there.
So, now that we know that tough girls finish last — how can we live at the top in our core feminine expression?
• We let ourselves love.
• We let ourselves love with the fullness of our hearts.
• We notice where we hold back, we notice where we guard and we open our hearts further into loving.
• We speak our love, we share our love, we do not resent or recoil when the recipients of our love are not as open to receiving as we desire (whether this is a stranger on the street or the man/woman in our bed). We see them as a reminder of where we are guarded and we step into loving them ever further.
• We use our divine feminine powers to conjure, attract and connect in the energetic realms knowing our work from our soul space has more power than any work from our mental space.
• We bathe in luxury and love.
• We adorn ourselves in self-care (massages, hair care, nails, energy alignment, flying first-class, luxurious sheets and goods — essentially anything and everything that makes us feel like a queen), and we allow our hearts to open further and wider in order to love from the beauty of our divine feminine essence.
Now, I’m not going to lie, this can be terrifying for those of us who were told time and again that we needed to be tougher. But this is the role for those of us who feel called to live from our divine feminine essence. Ladies, you know who you are, and if you’ve read this far, you are most likely called to this path.
Life is giving me more and more opportunities to practice this — in intimate partnership and in my everyday life. No more powering through, no more withdrawing or isolating. Our divine feminine demands more from us, and honestly, so do the people in our lives. They need us in our loving, feminine expression; they need us no longer making excuses about why we need to be “independent” and instead, stepping into loving interdependence.
Try it out this week and see what happens! Report back on what you discover. And remember, you are not alone. We are in this together, soul sisters!
Posted: April 22nd, 2014 under Uncategorized.
I was born a woman. But, I had no clue about what it meant to truly be a woman. Instead, I learned from the well-meaning women in my life that being a woman meant:
• Sucking it up and working hard because the man in your life wasn’t going to be around to help.
• Either crying on the floor in a corner of self-defeat or being so tough nothing could affect you.
• Being available for sex whenever your man wanted it. And then hating and resenting him for it, and telling your girlfriends all about it.
None of this was on purpose of course. No one taught my mother or her mother or her mother before her how to be a woman. They had been generations upon generations focused solely on survival. They were merely trying to keep food on the table, a roof over their heads and clothes on their backs. They didn’t know that there was a deeper calling within them, a part of them that could manifest all of the above with greater ease than slogging through it.
The women featured on television or in the movies were of no help to me either. Stepford housewives with no interest in sex, hot, sexy messes or tough cookie man-eaters — were all I had to choose from. I took a look at all of that nonsense and figured it was safer to be a masculinized woman than it was to be truly feminine. It seemed like those women just got beat to shreds.
So instead, I beat myself to shreds. I worked incredibly hard, I choked back my tears, I pretended I didn’t care. I talked trash about men and women unlike me because that was what I had seen growing up and all that I knew to do. And I did all of this until my body, 7 years ago, had enough and gifted me with a large cystic tumor on my left ovary.
For those that know holistic medicine, you know that the left side represents the feminine. And that ovaries represent a woman’s connection to her sexuality and sensuality (among other things). Talk about a message from my body and a call to action to connect to my feminine.
Fortunately, I was too exhausted to argue and it was then that I began the journey of reclaiming my divine feminine self — a self I did not know and had never seen demonstrated but knew I had to find buried deep within myself.
So, when I read Bryan Reeves recent article “No One Ever Taught Me How to be a Man,” and after years immersing myself in my own reclamation of my feminine and then sharing with other women what I learned, I realized that:
No one had ever taught me how to be a woman. Seeing that men also faced this same conundrum and call to reclaim their sacred masculine inspired me.
What would the world look like if each of us went within and reclaimed our core essence of either masculine or feminine?
What would happen if we nurtured that divinity within our self and brought it to our relationship with ourselves, with friends and with our romantic partner?
Can you imagine the possibilities?!
And while what being a woman (or for Bryan’s readers what being a man) looks like is different for every one — one thing is the same — you can only know this truth through deep connection with who you really are. By going within and asking the big questions, the questions that can inevitably lead you to a reclaiming of the woman that you are deep within.
If you feel called to reclaim your core, divine feminine essence, below are some simple steps you can take right now, today to begin or deepen this journey to know Her.
• Ask to know Her. It’s simple. Say it out loud — in your car, walking down the street, when you get out of bed in the morning. Ask to be connected to that core divinely feminine part of you. Ask to feel Her aliveness within you.
• Move out of action and into attraction. The feminine knows how to call forth and attract all that she desires (from her deep connection to who-she-really-is) into her life experience.
• Meditate. Meditate silently or guided. It doesn’t matter. Connect to your divine feminine energy by placing both of your hands on your pelvis as you meditate. See a glowing red orange ball of light that gets bigger and brighter with every inhale.
• Be soft in your movement. Drop the hard core workouts for those that bring you into your body in the soft, deeply feminine way that only a woman can. Dance, stretch, walk, play, have sex. Feel yourself in your body fully during these movements.
• Cook a meal. Not because you have to but because you want to create something. Try a new recipe; play with what you’re making.
• Work less. Block out time in your schedule to rest, connect with those you love, be in nature and nurture your body.
• Let go of taking in media — television, movies, Internet — that promote masculinized or helpless female archetypes. Release any consumption of violence. Choose media that showcases empowered divine feminine women with sacred masculine men. (And please post these movies or shows in the comments below so we can all benefit from watching them.)
• Talk to your body. Place one hand on your heart and one on your pelvis. Breathe into both, ask your body what it wants you to know about your feminine self. Listen until a thought, a knowing or a sensation arises in your body. Breathe deep and let the messages come in.
So, no one taught me how to be a woman and if you’re reading this article, maybe no one taught you either. But we can teach one another, we can teach ourselves through the wisdom that lies in our body and we can transform the way women are in this world — and therefore transform the world.
Posted: March 22nd, 2014 under Uncategorized.
The car in front of me was — in my opinion — not moving fast enough. I was in a hurry and was running dangerously close to being late for my class. I could not believe that the Toyota Camry in front of me thought that 20 miles per hour in a 30 miles per hour zone was acceptable at 8:30 a.m. on a Monday. The anger within me mounted as I contemplated laying on my horn to let the driver in front of me know exactly what I thought of his poor driving skills. But then suddenly, it hit me.
I wasn’t angry about a driver going “too slow.”
I was just plain angry.
And this driving scenario was simply an opportunity for that anger within me to rise to the surface.
Ever had this experience? Ever witnessed yourself having a strong emotional reaction to something that some deeper part of you knew was totally out of proportion to the situation? The truth is no emotion surfaces from something outside of us — it can only come up if it is already within us. People, places and situations don’t make us feel anything; we choose to feel through our perceptions and through our conditioned filters.
Many of us were never taught how to let ourselves feel our feelings or that repressing our feelings over time would create physical, emotional and mental disease, injuries, and accidents. We were never taught that emotions need healthy release because if they don’t, they will have to find other, often painful — or unhealthy like my minor case of road rage — ways to be expressed. Unexpressed emotions over time will eat away at your body’s connective tissue, disable your immune system’s proper functioning and will leave your body-mind susceptible to a variety of mishaps.
However, lashing out at everyone and everything is not a healthy way to release these repressed emotions either. When we react in this emotionally unhealthy fashion, we not only re-toxify our body-mind-spirit, we also toxify our environment and those around us with what Don Miguel Ruiz calls in his bestselling book The Four Agreements “our emotional poison.”
Sadly, you may have experienced this from someone around you at various points in your life. You may also take in others emotional poison through what you read on Facebook, other social media sites and blogs. We’ve all seen the “pardon the vent” posts with people using social media as yet another vehicle to lash out. But whether it’s at another driver or a social media post, venting our feelings is not the same as feeling our feelings and allowing them to release from our body in a healthy way that does not re-toxify ourselves or toxify the people around us.
So what do you do when you know you’ve got emotions that need release and you want to release them in a healthy good-for-you-and-good-for-everyone-else manner? Below is a focus and release process that you can use to release emotions healthily — even if you don’t know exactly what emotions you’re feeling. In fact, this is an exceptional practice that you can use on a daily basis to care for your health.
• Sit in a meditative position with your eyes closed. Make sure you’re somewhere you will not be disturbed.
• Tap Cortices, taking deep breaths as you tap, with a focused intention on connecting to any emotions that want to be released in that moment.
• Take 4-7 deep inhales through your nose, exhale through your mouth and as you do scan your body with your focus. Which area has the most tension?
• Breathe into the area of tension that catches your attention, placing your hand there to increase your focus.
• Silently ask the tension in your body what it wants to tell you. Take a few more deep inhales through the nose, exhales through the mouth and listen for the response. You may hear it or experience tears or waves of anger rising within you. Whatever happens, be present with the emotion and let it move through your body. Use your breath to move the emotions through until you feel the tension in that area of your body release.
• Sit quietly and scan your body again, if there is another area of tension or pain that has your attention, go to that area and repeat the process.
• Once you are complete with the process, tap Cortices again with the intention of grounding your body and centering yourself,
You will notice that these feelings often don’t have to be felt for long, they just need our attention and focus and then they can release.
Use this practice daily and watch as you feel lighter, your body’s health improves and you feel happier (and as an extra bonus no one has to read another “vent” post from you ever again). You deserve to feel, and you deserve to feel good — make this practice one of your go-to tools and experience more emotional freedom in your day-to-day life!
Posted: February 28th, 2014 under Uncategorized.
This post is my invitation to you to intentionally contribute to allowing the world to be what it really is more of the time – Love. Knowing that what you give and put out into the world, you receive 1000-fold.
Love is truly available to each of us every day all day – if we are willing to notice it and take inspired action from it.
In fact, love exists right now in this very moment, inside your beating heart, inside the deep pools of your eyes. You don’t even have to think about it because love is already inside of you, waiting for you to discover it.
Marianne Williamson said: “The world is a holographic universe, with every piece containing the whole. An enchanted love, an awakened love, between two people is a blessing on the entire world.”
I believe enchanted, awakened love can exist between two human beings, human and animal, human and plant and so much more. We truly are a piece of the whole as Marianne describes and our expression of love can radically change the world. Since everything is energy – every action we take ripples out and has a profound impact on the whole world.
Below are some love actions you can take right now to do your part in contributing to the enchanted, awakened love fest that everyone deserves to experience. Try one activity listed below (or one of your own) every day this week and then consider extending it to the end of the month. Trust me, once you start, you won’t want to stop. You’re about to get even more hooked on love. Here we go:
• Write “I love you” on a Post-it note and strategically place it somewhere it will be found. This can be around your home, office or at a grocery store. You can also write a bunch of these with various love-inspired messages and leave them in random locations.
• Make a video on your iPhone, computer or camcorder telling someone you know how much they mean to you or what a positive impact they have had on your life. Then, post it on YouTube and send them the link. Bonus if it’s your boss or someone you haven’t connected with in a long time.
• Give a stranger a hug. Ask if it’s okay first (that is the loving thing to do). When they ask “why” tell them it’s in honor of Love Month.
• Put on your brightest red lipstick (yes, guys, you too) and kiss the mirror at home, at your office or randomly on a mirror somewhere you feel inspired. Extra props if you write “Love you! Xo” in red lipstick.
• Read a lovely love poem to your Beloved or your best friend or your favorite person in the world. Or the homeless man on the corner. I vote for Pablo Neruda and reading to a stranger.
• When at a coffee shop, restaurant, patisserie, etc. give the cashier an extra $5/10/20 to go towards whatever the next person orders. Say it’s because you want them to know they are loved.
• Stop and pet the first dog or cat that crosses your path. Tell him/her “I love you.”
• Go to the nearest mirror, make eye contact with yourself and say, “I love you _____ (insert your name here).” Repeat it until you feel the message of love in your body and your eyes well with tears.
• Write a love letter to your Beloved or someone you have been admiring for quite some time. Tell them how their presence in the world makes you feel. Mail it — even if you live in the same house.
• Write a letter “To Whomever May Find This” telling that person how amazing and special they are to this world. Fold it up and leave it on a café table or in a bathroom stall.
• If you see someone who looks sad or unhappy, close your eyes and see them surrounded in pink light. Imagine you are sending love from your heart to bless them.
• Stop and talk to a homeless person. If you choose to give them anything, do it with love and bless them.
• Sit down with a small child and ask them what love is. Be sure to record their answer or take notes. It’s going to be a good one.
• Go out and hug a tree. Kiss the tree too. Tell it how much you appreciate it and how much you love it. Bonus if, you touch every plant/bush and say “I love you” as well.
The list above should get you started and I’m sure it has already inspired countless other ideas for your own personal love fest. Let us know what actions you took in the comments below and how it felt to give love so unconditionally, so consistently.
Oh, and if I haven’t already mentioned it — I sure do love you.
For more by Heather Strang, click here.
Posted: February 15th, 2014 under Uncategorized.
The ritual below takes about an hour and will not only shift the possibilities of your 2014 to a new vibrational frequency but it will also allow you to connect with your soul on a deeper level and thus radiate a vibrational light that will summon what you desire to you.
Not a bad way to start the year, eh?
You can do this on New Year’s Eve, New Year’s day or anytime in the month of January. To optimize this experience, meditate for 20 minutes prior (silent or guided).
You’ll also need the following supplies:
- Sage and a lighter or matches.
- Journal/notebook, and pen/pencil.
- White clothes
- Watch my Cortices tapping video if you are not already familiar with it.
- A quiet, undisturbed and comfy space.
- Access to a kitchen or bathroom sink.
Once you’ve got these items in place, you are ready to begin this magical and uplifting ritual:
- Wear all white clothing. Nothing extravagant is needed, simple white clothing will do. This sets the intention of purity of heart, mind and soul.
- Sage the room that you’re doing the ritual in with a sage stick (any type of sage is fine).
- Tap Cortices with the intention of connecting to Higher Consciousness –whatever that looks like for you: God, Universe, Goddess, etc. – as well as clearing your mind of any clutter.
- Next, sit down in a comfortable, cozy spot – on your favorite rug, your couch, a comfy chair. Take 3-5 nice deep breaths; breathing in through your nose and exhaling through your mouth, allowing any emotional and body tension to relax.
- Place your hand on wherever in your body you still feel tension. Breathe into that place. Ask it what it would like to leave behind from 2013. Listen and notice any thoughts that seem to “pop” in or feelings or “knowings” that occur. Once that area has gone quiet, take out your journal and write down a summary of what it would like to let go of. Feel free to add any other items that come up for you. Give yourself a lot of time here if necessary. Then, on a totally new page, write “Highlights of 2013″. Write down all of the experiences that were high points for you during the year.
- Once you feel complete with the letting go & highlights list, take it with you and go to your kitchen or bathroom sink. You can either drowned the lists in water or burn it – whatever your preference. Leave the remains in the sink and move on to the next step.
- Sage the area where you were sitting and sage over the top of your head, down your body and underneath both feet.
- Tap Cortices again, this time with the focus of clearing any and all tension from your body and mind.
- Go and sit in your comfortable space.
- Take out your notebook or journal. Write at the top: “What I now call forth into my life experience for 2014”. Write whatever comes to you – no censoring – go as big and yummy as you want. Play, have fun with it. Don’t sit and “think” about it. If your mind gets involved with judging what you’ve written or scoffing at it, stop and tap Cortices again. This time with the intention of removing all limiting conditioning about what is possible for you in 2014. Take a few more deep breaths – in through the nose, out through the mouth – and return to your list.
- Give yourself as much time as you need for this.
- Once you feel complete with the list, place it in an envelope. Title the envelope “2014” and put it in a safe, hidden place (for some reason I prefer my panty drawer or under my mattress for this – go with whatever works best for you). Then next year at the beginning of 2015, you’ll read this list and then burn it before beginning this ritual again.
- Sage your space again and if time permits, go take a 3-cup sea salt bath for a minimum of 20 minutes. This will cleanse your energy field and serves as a re-set to the rest of your day, evening or night. Throw away the remains of the list you drowned or burned, bag it up and take it out with the trash the next day or before your bath.
- Tap Cortices one final time with the intention of allowing all that your soul desires to come to fruition.
Enjoy this process and remember – you are a powerful creator. You have the ability to summon forth that which your soul desires. Let 2014 be the year that you embrace this truth and let your soul lead the way to your highest unfolding.
Feel free to share your experience with this ritual in the comments below or reach out to me personally to share your experience.
Happy 2014! xo
Posted: December 29th, 2013 under Uncategorized.
I just sat on my couch and cried.
And despite my previous relationship of self-pity and victimhood with crying, these were not those kind of tears. They were actually tears of joy.
Tears of complete and utter joy streaming down my face as I said over and over again, “Thank you.” Chills coursing up and down my body as I heard my words repeated back to me, “Thank you.”
It was a love celebration, a gratitude party held between me and me.
Sounding a bit too woo-woo for you?
If so, don’t despair — there are millions of articles you can read about politics, business and things going wrong. But you won’t find any of that here. Right here, right now, we’re going to get our truth on.
We’re going to talk about what really matters in this world — knowing who you really are and living from that place. Knowing your truth above and beyond what the media says, what your family says, what your friends say, or even what I say, for that matter.
I certainly know this story well. Raised as a Jehovah’s Witness by parents who were barely adults, my entire life up until age 24 (when divine intervention allowed me to leave the JWs) was spent being told and believing that someone else out there knew my truth.
And for the past 11 years I’ve been on a journey to know who I really am above all of the opinions, noise and drama out there so that I can do what I am here to do — radiate this truth as a reminder to as many as Divine Will allows.
This led me to sitting on my couch, tears streaming down my face, reciting over and over again, “Thank you” as I felt energy moving all around me. Is this resonating with you? Giving you chills as you read it? If so, check out the five tried-and-true methods below for rockin your life living your truth like never before:
• Meditate every single day for a minimum of 20 minutes. Silent, guided, 10 minutes here, 10 minutes there — doesn’t matter. Just do it. There’s no wrong way, have the intention to meditate and you are meditating.
• Engage in a daily spiritual practice to accompany this. Prayer, candles, rituals — again, doesn’t matter — only that it resonates with you. I go more in-depth into non-denominational spiritual practice creation here if you feel so guided to check it out.
• Feel your feelings. When something in your life happens and you feel anger, grief, rage, sadness rise up within you you’ve got to feel it. Don’t dismiss it, don’t push it away and don’t stuff it down with food, drugs, alcohol, cigarettes, Internet, TV, etc. Be with the feeling. Find where it is in your body. Breathe into it. Ask it what it wants to share with you. Let the emotions move through you. They won’t last forever and they need release. This brings us to…
• Clear, release and balance your body-mind-spirit on a consistent basis. BodyTalk is the only healing modality I’ve ever found to do this and is recommended by one of the leading scientists in the world, Bruce Lipton. Again, find your practitioner(s) and your way to do this on a monthly to twice-monthly basis.
• Daily gratitude. Even if you don’t wanna. Even if you really are pissed that so-and-so didn’t do what you wanted him/her to do. Find the gratitude in every freakin’ moment of your life. Because you’re here and that alone is cause for rejoicing.
Only you know, deep inside of you, the path and the way that is best for you. When you do the above, you will have such clear and consistent access to your truth you’ll never need to ask anyone else what to do or where to go next. You’ll hear your voice and your truth above all of the hype, the media, your friends and family.
Before you know it your life will be better than anything you could have ever imagined. And you’ll be right there with me — whether in the U.S. or across the globe — sitting wherever you like to sit with tears of joy streaming down your face as we both mouth the words “thank you.”
Posted: December 22nd, 2013 under Uncategorized.
It was a beautiful and bright Saturday afternoon. My closest friend and I sat outside sipping the last of the summer’s rosé as we took in the sights at the outdoor wine bar we were nestled in. Then, seemingly out of nowhere, she said it. She said the words almost no one (certainly no writer) wants to hear, let alone from someone they love and respect.
“I don’t like your book.”
The book she was referring to is my second novel in The Quest series (currently, the first has been optioned as a feature-length film), Following Bliss. And because I love my friend dearly and know that she meant no real harm, her criticism wasn’t a barricade to our friendship, but it did spark something within me that needed to be addressed. Through my investigation, I uncovered five insights that reconnected me with who I really am, even amidst criticism, and it’s my intention they do the same for you. I found that we can let criticism inspire, not deflate us. Here’s why:
1) Just because it’s “true” to one person doesn’t it make it helpful or accurate. A critic usually thinks they are sharing their criticism from a place of “helping” — either you or in the larger scheme of things, the world. But the truth is, it’s merely their opinion. It may be true for them, but they are one person with one opinion. Their truth is most certainly not your truth, nor does it have to be. If there are many critics who seem to be knocking down your door with their “help” move on to insight number two…
2) Not everyone will “get” you. Everything we experience in life comes in through our numerous conditioned filters. It’s why 10 people can see a car accident and all 10 have a different version of what happened. Or why we can view a work of art and have our whole world opened up while others may despise it. We all see life through the lens we have been conditioned and raised with either through religious beliefs, cultural guidelines or significant life experiences. The hippocampus, part of the brain’s limbic system, records what occurs throughout our life as fact. Then it works with the rest of the brain to create stories and meaning for whatever has occurred. How we see the world depends entirely on our conditioned filters and that’s different for everyone.
3) It actually doesn’t matter what anyone else thinks. “I pay no attention whatever to anybody’s praise or blame. I simply follow my own feelings.” — Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart
I chewed on my friend’s words, allowed them to sink in and even though it hurt, I couldn’t let her thoughts deter me. In fact, I realized that even if I was the worst writer in the world, there’s nothing that can stop me from writing. While I had agonized over the guidance I received to write fiction, I now know that it is an important part of my path. Besides, I’m writing because I can’t not write it. Because the story flows through me and my inner guidance screams at me to complete it and share with others. Because when I pass on from this life, I will be so proud of myself for doing what I came here to do, even if people anywhere or everywhere think that it sucks. And isn’t that what we’re all going for — loving our lives no matter what, experiencing the fullness of doing what we love?
4) Someone loves you. For every naysayer there are 10, 100, 1,000-plus who will love the work you are putting out into the world. Recently, I met a working an artist who has a very unique style of art. He was sharing with me that people often have incredibly strong reactions to his art, many with criticism. But, he also has carved out a niche that allows him to sell hundreds of paintings to those who not only “get” but absolutely adore his work. As he reminded me, his job is to honor the gift that comes through him and let the Universe take care of the rest. So, while my friend strongly disliked my latest novel, I’ve also received countless emails from readers who have felt inspired and even moved to tears from it. Bottom line: it’s all relative and your people will “get” and love you for whatever it is you are moved to share with the world.
5) It’s all happening for you. Ultimately, every experience in life happens so that we can become more of who we really are. Even when people show up with negativity and criticism, it’s showing us a part of ourselves that needs attention. My friend was mirroring back to me my own shadow, my own self-doubt. Our exchange forced me to look at the areas where I was being critical of myself. So, instead of getting caught up in blaming her for being an unsupportive friend, I realized that I needed to become more of a champion for my writing and to release the self-doubt that she was clearly mirroring back to me. And that’s when I called up my favorite BodyTalk practitioner to release my own internal criticism and step into my own self-cheerleading.
Instead of letting criticism sideline us, we all have an opportunity to let criticism inspire us. Criticism can allow us to get even more clear about our gifts, talents and what we want to share with others. It can allow us to heal aspects of our own inner critic and release us into the knowing that doing what we are guided to do is all that matters. It can set us free from people-pleasing so that we can be fully aligned with our soul’s purpose. As I work on novel number three in The Quest series, I feel ever more determined to shine my light through each page, knowing that the message will reach those that it is meant to and that most importantly of all in this journey of life; I’m having a whole lot of fun along the way.
Posted: December 1st, 2013 under Uncategorized.
For four years I worked in what most would consider — myself included — the best corporate job a girl could have. I was able to work from home most of the time, I enjoyed lots of autonomy, worked with great people, was paid a decent salary and had awesome health benefits. In short, I was experiencing a so-called “dream job.” Even so, in quiet moments I would feel a tug in my heart, a call to step outside the delightful corporate box I was in and go deeper. The calls of entrepreneurship were getting louder and stronger, despite my batting the thoughts away.
Then, one day during my meditation practice, a knowing thought floated in. “Give notice on April 12, your last day will be June 12.” At this point I had been seeing clients as a BodyTalk practitioner on the side — on evenings and weekends. I was only seeing three clients a week at best, so diving full time into my healing practice seemed premature. However, a deeper part of me knew that this guidance was too strong and too clear to ignore. So a week later, I gave my notice.
Fast forward one year later and my practice is thriving in ways I never imagined. My healing circles and courses have more than quadrupled in size and I have had such demand for my healing that I’ve had to make significant changes to how many in-person clients I see so that I can facilitate more distance sessions for clients all over North America. I’m living a lifestyle I didn’t even know was possible for me back when that first piece of guidance floated in.
You see, ever since that first bit of inspired guidance, I have been following everything that my intuition and outer guidance through meditation brings. And as I do, my practice has thrived like nothing I’ve ever experienced before.
This is the new paradigm of business, where our intuition is the CEO.
We are fortunate enough to live in a country that allows us to pretty much start up any business of our choice and we live in a time in human consciousness where we don’t have to play by the old rules. We can run a business completely led by our inner guidance. Others may call this our soul, our higher self or our inner pilot light — but it all means the same thing — it’s the part of us that knows. We all have it, and I imagine a world where we are all using it, all of the time.
Look at revolutionaries like Oprah and Steve Jobs — folks who consistently mention “intuition” as part of their process. I believe we can all thrive in our businesses and in our lives if we make intuition our CEO.
That doesn’t mean we completely abandon the brilliance of the mind, but it does mean the mind stops making all of our decisions. Our culture has revered the mind for so long that almost all of us in the Western world think that who we really are, is the thoughts we think and what’s going on in our mind. But, that’s absolutely not true. The mind is much like a computer and the thoughts we think are just reoccurrences of conditioning and messaging we’ve absorbed throughout our life. Our inner guidance is meant to lead the way and then allows the mind to do what it does best — sort out details, make a plan, take action steps. We’ve had it backwards the whole time!
So, how do you know if you’re ready to make your intuition the CEO of your business? Three indicators that you might be:
• You were immediately drawn to this article and feel excited as you read these words.
• You feel bored with your job or current business model. You feel a tug or a pull from within to expand, but your mind has no idea what that could be and the options out there just don’t “feel” right or don’t pan out if you try to “make” them happen.
• You have experienced making intuitive decisions instead of mind-based ones and have seen instant results — in ways that shocked and inspired you.
So, how do you start? My upcoming online course Run a Spirit-Led Business (& Thrive!) is geared towards giving you all of the tools you need to join this new paradigm of business, a paradigm where we let the knowing within us light the way as we reach new heights in our success. Leave your comments and questions below — I would love to support you on this rich and abundant journey!
Posted: September 6th, 2013 under Uncategorized.
Patty* called me frustrated and dejected. She constantly compared herself to others all the while steadily resisting the signs (like getting sick, having no energy and feeling unhappy) that were trying to redirect her out of her business, into her creativity and into her sacred feminine.
I reminded Patty that her resistance wasn’t entirely a bad thing.
It was merely an indication that she was really, really close to having what she desired — and possibly in a form that she never even imagined possible for herself. Sometimes the thought of having what we have longed for, for so long or embarking on a new, unknowable journey is terrifying. Like, absolutely devastatingly frightening to our mind and to our conditioning that says it’s not possible to radically alter our life, leave or start a relationship, leave or start a business or romance ourselves every day simply because we deserve it.
As human beings we often have unconscious beliefs, fears and traumas still running active in our body-mind-spirit. So, sometimes we’re going to resist. We’ll come up with any and every excuse to not go down that road. We’ll pay healers, coaches and therapists to make it better (and while they facilitate powerful healing, it is up to us as individuals to do the work to allow this healing to occur), and then get angry in the face of the guidance we receive.
I can say all of this with strong conviction because let me tell you, I know this road well. And I feel so honored that when clients like Patty come to me with any or all of the above, I can share from a place of having walked (and still walking!) that path right alongside them.
In fact, I’ve actually observed and identified my basic resistance process:
1.) I receive guidance or have a life experience that requires me to go outside of my comfort zone in some way.
2.) I then spend two-to-three weeks with my mind battling out all of the reasons said expansion is too much, too scary, too premature.
3.) Then, timidly I begin telling those close to me about this next thing I’m going to do/be/have. The resistance softens as I own it as my reality more and more.
4.) By week four to five, I’m in acceptance! But it sure would be a lot easier to not have to go through that process at all. Right?!
Can you identify your basic resistance process? How do you respond when you receive guidance or have life experiences that don’t feel comfortable to you? It’s helpful to raise your awareness and notice the next time you’re in resistance. Because then, you are in a powerful place. A place to shift your resistance into thriving.
Below are some of my tried-and-true ways to move out of resistance and into our natural state of thriving:
• Dance. Nothing shifts your vibration like shaking it. Right now I’ve got “Royals” by Lorde on repeat to shake and shift my vibration whenever needed.
• Take a 20-minute cat nap. Sleep is the ultimate reset.
• Tap cortices. Visualize balancing the left and right hemispheres of your brain as you do this. Really got yourself in a tizzy? Tap multiple times in a row, slowly, while taking deep breaths.
• Meditate. As little as five minutes of sitting in meditation can shift your whole vibration. If you prefer guided meditations, I highly recommend Getting Into the The Vortex by Esther Hicks.
• Go for a walk. Outside. As you walk connect with the greenery around you, imagine green light emanating from your chest to support your fourth chakra of self-love and love of others. In the desert or a less-than-green environment? Imagine an orange ball of light in your pelvis growing brighter to activate your second chakra (how you relate to everything outside of you — money, sex, power, people).
• Laugh. Pull up NetFlix comedy videos, call up your funniest friend, watch your favorite laugh-out loud movie (for me, that’s “Baby Mama”).
• Listen to teachers and authors you respect who inspire you. Michael Bernard Beckwith and Abraham-Hicks do it for me. Pull them up on Hay House Radio or YouTube for an insta-vibration lift.
• Self-pleasure. Slowly and without attachment to outcome. In fact, light some candles, turn on some music and enjoy being present with your body. It’s just like a meditation.
• Recite a mantra that soothes you. Some examples to get your started:
“Everything is always working out for me.”
“I am balanced, harmonious and peaceful.”
“I follow the flow of my life.”
“I am on my way to thriving!”
A great way to get ahead of resistance before it shows up is to take this list and add your own joyful, high-vibing activities that shift your vibration. Then whenever you notice yourself resisting what is, you can saunter (or plod, depending on your mood) over to your resistance shifting cheat sheet and begin going down the list applying these practices until you feel your natural state of thriving return.
Ultimately, know that as cliché as it sounds — this too shall pass. Your resistance won’t last forever. With intention and an empowered attitude, you can experience a life that truly thrives.
What are your favorite ways to release resistance? Leave your comments below.
*Not her real name.
Posted: August 30th, 2013 under Uncategorized.
Michelle* was one of the most demanding people in my life. She was also my “best friend.” She called every day for minimum one-hour chats, expected me to plan parties for any and every occasion and frowned upon my decision to have a steady boyfriend. In essence, Michelle wanted me at her beck and call. And for many years, I thought that being a friend meant you had to do what the other person wanted. That somehow sacrifice of self showed just how much you loved and valued them. This type of out-of-balance thinking caused me to attract “friends” who would play this belief out with me time and again.
Early on, the friendship was a fit and we were a match on many levels. But then, as I began my self-development journey, it became more and more clear that my friendship with Michelle was actually causing me more stress than joy.
It was clear to me that we needed to break up. Michelle wasn’t interested in doing her spiritual work and she certainly wasn’t interested in changing our relationship dynamic. Whenever I made adjustments (like finally getting a boyfriend or no longer planning her parties), a drama would ensue. When I tried to talk to her about my needs in the friendship, she stared at me blankly.
But letting go of someone who has been a prominent fixture in your life is often no easy undertaking. As I continue to grow and flourish on my path, I have faced this challenge many times and now regard it as an important part of my self-care practice. I love having people in my life that are true partners with me on this wonderful journey.
So, how do you know if someone in your life is like my experience with Michelle and no longer serves your highest good? Here’s a checklist to get you started:
• How do you feel — the majority of the time — after you interact with this person? Anxious, irritated and low energy? Or inspired, joyful and excited about life?
• What do you usually focus on when you spend time with this person? Is the conversation more centered on what’s happening in their life and what they need? Or do you feel heard and supported?
• Is there a natural flow to your time together? Or is it difficult to find time to connect, and when you do is it usually based on what the other person wants?
Our body is always letting us know if a person/place/thing is in alignment for us. And how we feel after and during our time with someone is a really good indicator of whether or not they are serving our highest good.
No doubt in the case of my “friend” Michelle, she felt great leaving our interactions. It’s important that both parties feel nourished, supported and loved in the friendship (or whatever it is that you need to feel with the people in your life). If that’s not happening, having a conversation about this and asking for your needs to be met is vital. See The Center for Nonviolent Communication as an excellent tool for these conversations.
If attempts to bring healing to the relationship fail, try the following:
• The slow fade out. Some friendships can dissipate with the slow fade. This means only attending meetups or events when it feels really good to you or in alignment for you — if it does at all. No more attending or doing anything “out of obligation” (ever, for any friendship!).
• If a friendship has been in your life for a while, or like Michelle gets very triggered when action is taken to shift the dynamic, try this approach via email:
Dear (name of person no longer serving your highest good),
As I’ve shared with you previously, things have changed for me in our friendship. I’m not feeling supported or nourished (or whatever adjective works for you) anymore. I really feel like we are in different places in our life and it feels better to me if we take a timeout from one another. I love you, but I really need to take care of me right now.
In truth, we can’t be anyone’s friend if we aren’t taking care of ourselves first and foremost. And having people and relationships in our life that deplete us is the opposite of self-care.
It’s important that when we choose to release people from our lives that we are also doing our self-work so we can see why we attracted these people and what we can do to attract individuals who inspire, support and nourish us in the future.
Do you have experience in letting go of people who no longer serve your highest good? Tell us your story in the comments below — how did you release them?
*Not her real name.
Posted: August 6th, 2013 under Uncategorized.