25 May / Update: Life and Homelessness
Of course, I’m not truly homeless, but that’s certainly the feeling I’ve had of late. Check out Karen Bishop’s latest update to get more in-depth information on this, especially if you’re also feeling this way.
It’s a new moon today (pacific time, that means yesterday as I write this) – which often means new energy and bringing new, great stuff in. In fact, the angel card I pulled this morning was “New Opportunity” – so all signs definitely point in that direction.
But, back to the homelessness, or at least the feeling of such. Kauai is beautiful and in just 4 short months I accomplished what I came here to do. I have a solid feeling that this isn’t my spot, but no place else feels right either. I love the Oregon Coast (I’ve had a “condo on the Oregon Coast” on my intention list for about 7 years now!) and moving there would certainly put me close to my family (my sister is having a baby!) and within close proximity to my small, yet powerful group of soul friends. However, it doesn’t feel right to step into that just yet either.
So, here I wait. For a sign. For a nudge, for the knowing. Karen Bishop says it’s coming, my intuition says it is as well, but my mind and ego are in a hurry. They would really like me to make a decision NOW. They want to know what my plan is and where I am going.
The trouble is, I simply don’t know. And my ego/mind HATES not knowing! But, during my meditation today I surfaced with the resolve that I will not make a move of any kind until I do know. This is, of course, totally counter to how I had been living my life – following my head and going at a break-neck pace. I love the slower pace of my life, the warmth, the ocean and my tan. But Kauai is odd and simply a place of growth for me. I’ve started a deep healing journey here and finished my first poetry book (out this summer – turning final edits into my publisher this week!). In addition, I’m writing more poetry than ever before – it flows out of me effortlessly. I feel more connected and centered than I have – ever – in my entire life.
At the same time, I feel a shift coming soon. My dreams are vivid and often leave me clues. During a recent healing session, I received guidance to bring greater transparency to a couple of my relationships – the next night I had a detailed dream as to how that transparency should come about. I’m journaling, meditating, walking, stretching, processing, asking, crying, getting angry and then writing some more and doing the whole process over again. I’m cleaning things up, shining light on areas within myself I had avoided or simply hadn’t the time for. It is a fascinating process, and when I look at it like this – from a detached, objective point of view – it seems rather beautiful. At times, I’m deeply connected to this beauty, other times I’m so irritated with the slowness of things, I can barely stand it.
And so, I continue to write, while I wait.
Below is a poem I wrote (And I really shouldn’t say “I” wrote it – the words just start tumbling out of me and I have to scramble to get pen to paper to capture it. I can’t even tell you if what I write is true poetry – it simply comes out and I write it down.) the other night – at Brennecke beach while the sun went down:
On an island
in the middle of
I am alone.
The beach stretches for miles
The ocean lays out as far as the eye can see
Yet, there is only me here.
Darkness has fallen
The couples, kids and families
are safely tucked
Only I remain
and to receive.
I thought myself an island
But then, I came here
and realized that no one person
can ever be an island,
no one person can ever sustain
all alone in the darkness.
So, I pack up my journal, pen and books
Blow a kiss to the butterflies and palm trees
And I head home
to an ocean that is not an island
to a place where I no longer have to
pretend to be one.
It is time
Time to heal what
has not been lost
Open myself up –
wide and free,
Just like the mainland.
© 2009 Heather Strang
All rights reserved.
Happy Writing and Much Love to YOU!