Who Am I Really? Inquiring Minds Want to Know…
11 days into my big move across the Pacific and I'm deep in the heart of transition central. Everything I thought was me has been removed - no super cute studio apt. in super hip NW Portland, no more supportive group of incredible friends, no office to go too, no dance studio to frequent, or Blazer games to attend or clubs to dance at.
I'm in Kauai, Hawaii, on the southside of the island (which happens to have just as much going on as my childhood home of Tillamook, Ore.). If you know anything about either location, you'll know there isn't much left to distract you. Sure, there's the gorgeous ocean and miles of beaches, but beautiful scenery won't get you much farther than about 7 days.
So, here I am, one phase of my grandiose dream complete. And I find myself asking - what defines me anyway? What makes me ME? The beauty of this question, and thus, the answer to it, is that it can be ANYTHING I want it to be. The limitlessness overwhelms me. I get to recreate myself. I've chosen a new path, a new adventure. I sat back looked at my great life and said, "Hmm...let's change it up...dramatically." Which is so very Heather of me.
Now I'm screaming at cockroaches (which for the record are becoming less and less since the magnificent pest control girl came to end the drama), laying out by the pool and spending more time at the ocean than I have in years. I know practically no one here and so, I am left with the isolation that only a move and a change of this magnitude can bring. The only voice to answer, the only conversation to have must be with myself.
How will I allow this opportunity to take me to the next phase of my evolution as a human being? How can I become more of who I TRULY am?
Ironically, my angel card this morning was "Awakening to Your True Self" - a card, mind you, that I haven't pulled since I made the painful decision to leave a near-perfect romantic relationship a couple of years ago. So, I'm observing. I'm paying attention to my reactions, my inclinations and my desires. I'm thinking about who I would really like to be in this next decade of my life. I'm reconsidering my priorities, my values and the way I spend my time.
This is my one, big beautiful life (because let's face it - I believe in reincarnation, but if I can't remember who I was before, it can't really help me now, right?!), and just what will I do with it?
I'm recognizing it's less about the DOING and more about the BEING.
And that's the tough part. Who will I BE?
Damn, who knew that moving to one of the most beautiful islands in the UNIVERSE would cause such a deep, deep, deep searching of my own soul.
That's why I came here. :)
Much love and THANK YOU to the amazing people in my life who are CALLING/emailing/IMing and reaching out in general. You have NO IDEA how much it means to me.
P.S. Pic's top to bottom: chicken outside my office, Sheraton Beach in Poipu, Me and Richie at the beach.
Posted: March 8th, 2009 under Uncategorized.